What’s a Solo Honeymoon? How you can Journey Alone for Self-Discovery

When my fiancé bought down on one knee final summer season, I had no concept the whirlwind of marriage ceremony planning that awaited us. Regardless that we opted for the non-traditional, micro-wedding route (hi there Airbnb), the stress of planning any occasion is sufficient for me to jet off to an island the place decision-making frenzies are hundreds of miles away. As a substitute of reserving a {couples}’ retreat, although, I packed my luggage for a solo honeymoon in Hawaii. Sure, you learn that accurately. Whereas most {couples} plan honeymoons collectively after saying their “I do’s,” I made a decision this was the proper alternative to reconnect with myself earlier than committing to a lifetime with another person, and my husband—then fiancé—absolutely supported me.

Certain, the idea of a “solomoon,” aka a solo honeymoon, felt radical at first, however I additionally knew it could be a refreshing probability to floor myself and consider my priorities. “Taking time to go on a solomoon is an excellent method to set the tone for an interdependent marriage, the place each persons are prioritizing themselves as people,” says Morgan Anderson, PhD, a licensed scientific psychologist and relationship coach. “Self-care is not egocentric. Once you take time to connect with your self, you might be additionally doing the best factor on your marriage.”

So, what occurred after I intentionally selected to journey sans fiancé just a few months earlier than assembly him on the altar? I knew taking a solo honeymoon was going to be fulfilling mentally and emotionally, however my precise expertise was transformative in a means I wasn’t anticipating, making ready me to indicate up for my husband and our marriage as the very best model of myself.

Associated Tales

Why I went on a solomoon

Bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette events, babymoons, and conventional honeymoons all rejoice totally different shared milestones—getting married to your accomplice, welcoming a brand new life into the world, and beginning a brand new chapter in a relationship. A solomoon, nonetheless, is a singular pre- (or generally post-) marriage ceremony retreat devoted solely to your self. It is an opportunity to pause, mirror, and make sure you’re bringing your finest self into your new marriage.

“Getting away and experiencing the liberty of touring solo after declaring your union is a singular and controversial means of celebrating your marriage ceremony,” says Doni Belau, journey professional and founding father of Women Information to the World, a company that curates group journey journeys for ladies. The controversy right here, after all, being that persons are typically skeptical after they hear somebody is occurring a solo honeymoon as a result of they really feel that touring with out your accomplice foreshadows issues in your marriage. “Nonetheless, a pre-wedding solo journey is usually a great method to solidify who you might be and what you want personally to really feel sturdy and unbiased whereas on the identical time being a part of a unit constructed on togetherness and compromise,” Belau provides. The truth is, a 2023 examine¹ discovered that spending time away out of your accomplice helps cut back total ranges of stress, whereas a 2021 examine² by the identical creator discovered that adults who frolicked in solitude reported extra intrapersonal development.

“A solomoon helps construct a wholesome marriage tradition as a result of it communicates that your lives as people aren’t ‘ending’ when getting married.” —Dr. Morgan Anderson, a licensed scientific psychologist and relationship coach

“A solomoon helps construct a wholesome marriage tradition as a result of it communicates that your lives as people aren’t ‘ending’ when getting married,” says Anderson. “It is very important notice that in a wholesome marriage, each the wants of the person and the wedding are prioritized.” After all, solo journeys for self-discovery are nothing new. Many journey firms even cater completely to solo journeys for ladies, in accordance with Belau. A survey of Gen Z girls by StudentUniverse additionally revealed that over half (58.3 p.c) of respondents are eager on touring overseas alone. Their prime causes? Empowerment and private development. Mix that with analysis exhibiting that constructing your individual happiness results in extra pleasure in relationships, and I used to be all in.

What occurs on a solo honeymoon?

My solo honeymoon to Hawaii was all the things I dreamed a pre-wedding escape can be. Whereas my soon-to-be husband held down the fort again in Colorado, I spent the week indulging in personal yoga courses, soaking in scorching springs surrounded by greenery, and having fun with blissful afternoons full of spontaneous adventures and self-reflection. On Lanai, it’s regular to go on a protracted hike and never run right into a single particular person. One of many smallest of Hawaii’s islands, Lanai is dwelling to solely 3,300 residents (in comparison with its neighbor Maui’s 166,000). Regardless of being 98 p.c owned by a tech billionaire, it’s a spot that adheres tightly to its nearly untouched lifestyle. After visiting, I perceive why it fights to remain this manner.

However my journey didn’t begin off fully picturesque. Earlier than I boarded my second flight of the day—a small eight-passenger plane from Oahu to Lanai—my coronary heart raced, and the stark actuality of being alone hit me onerous. Instantly, I used to be pressured to confront my flight nervousness alone. For my part, flying is all the time simpler with a companion—somebody to look at your baggage when you go to the lavatory, somebody to assist calm pre-flight jitters. So, at first, I used to be hesitant to welcome the “alonement,” a time period coined by creator Francesca Specter as “the state of being alone.” (And the science provides up: an over-active nervous system can dysregulate the physique, in accordance with a 2018 examine³.) Why could not I simply maintain my husband’s hand like I usually do on flights?

Because the flight ready for takeoff, I had two choices: to run away from the feeling or to really feel it. I selected the latter; I remembered my coping expertise. “Oh, I get anxious earlier than flying. This isn’t new.” Being alone in new conditions has an unbelievable means of showing our interior strengths. When issues go awry, we are able to mirror on our resilience; we study to belief ourselves; we study we are able to overcome virtually something. So, after a number of minutes of teaching myself via the flight, we landed in Lanai and I breathed a sigh of reduction, the primary of many throughout my solo honeymoon.

Solo journey: embracing the last word type of self-care in Hawaii

Sensei Lānaʻi—certainly one of two 4 Seasons resorts on the island—affords all of the hallmarks of an expensive retreat: state-of-the-art spa hales, personal onsen gardens for soaking, and even a signature restaurant by Nobu. Truthfully, I felt fairly badass being the one particular person eating at a five-star resort one evening. However the resort’s clientele, myself included, aren’t right here for the fluff. We come for individualized teaching as a part of an ultra-customized wellness expertise.

My fiancé is an avid mountaineer whereas I’m a slow-flow yoga instructor. On this journey, I took full benefit of the resort’s choices. It’s not that I didn’t miss him (perhaps distance actually does make the center develop fonder); slightly, I used to be utilizing this time to faucet into my interior self, to remind myself of who I’m. I even labored with a mindset specialist to refine my breathwork approach—inhaling via the nostril and exhaling slowly via the mouth, extending the exhale by an additional depend or two. “Breathe in for 4 counts and exhale for six,” my sensei information, Lydia, instructed me throughout certainly one of these therapeutic breathwork classes.

I opened as much as Lydia about my stress ranges (Why is reducing your visitor checklist so onerous?) and well being considerations. The subsequent day, I used to be booked for a non-public yin yoga class that targets leisure and digestion. As I settled into youngster’s pose and felt the soothing contact of my yoga instructor soften away pressure in my hips, I couldn’t assist however suppose I had completely hacked how you can honeymoon alone. I felt centered, relaxed, and in tune with myself in a means I would not have been in a position to obtain at dwelling or touring with another person.

For the primary time, I had absolutely tapped into a way of self-reliance. The quiet solitude of the island helped me confront pre-wedding anxieties head-on and develop new coping methods, like breathwork. I discovered peace and contentment by myself, which, sarcastically, made me really feel much more ready for marriage. This solo journey proved that self-care isn’t nearly bubble baths—it’s a relationship superpower. As somebody with a observe report of codependence, this was notably transformative. By nurturing my very own id, I found that I can carry my full, genuine self into our relationship with out getting misplaced within the combine. This newfound readability has set the stage for a stronger, extra fulfilling bond with my accomplice.

Why it is best to think about taking your self on a solo honeymoon

Marriage is a life stage that includes redefining your boundaries as you develop nearer to your partner. I discovered spending devoted time alone throughout the engagement was essential to reflecting on this transition from singlehood to marriage, and actually defining what a union means to me. Whereas it could appear lavish to some, my solo honeymoon journey to Hawaii wasn’t about luxurious or distance—although, it is completely superb to deal with your self to an opulent getaway if that is what’s fulfilling for you. My solomoon was about introspection and connection. It was the unbiased time and connection to my breath that made all of the distinction—not the palm bushes and salty ocean waves—and also you don’t have to journey to a luxe vacation spot to expertise that in case you’re contemplating a solo honeymoon.

“When every particular person deliberately makes time to tune into themselves, it provides the wedding the very best probability at thriving.” —Dr. Morgan Anderson, a licensed scientific psychologist and relationship coach

Whether or not you journey to a distant island, a bustling metropolis, or a quiet retreat, what you’re taking away from the expertise is extra necessary than the place you might be. So, in case you’re engaged, newly married, or simply want a possibility to mirror exterior of your relationship, think about a bit of solo journey to ease your thoughts. It may be troublesome to take time away out of your accomplice, particularly in case you aren’t used to being aside. Though my accomplice is completely my finest pal, touring solo allowed me to reconnect with myself, away from day by day distractions and the expectations of others. I discovered that private pleasure and readability come from inside, not from exterior experiences. I gained a deeper appreciation for myself and for the form of partnership, I wished to construct. And the expertise as an entire strengthened the concept happiness in a relationship is not nearly shared experiences—it is also essential to search out pleasure by yourself.

The thought of solo journey on your well being and the well being of your relationship resonates personally with Belau. “Exploring the world and chasing new experiences is a part of my DNA, so I have to journey greater than [my husband] does,” she shares. Belau additionally reminisces about how she and her husband would take turns giving one another solo journeys whereas elevating their youngsters, which helped them return dwelling refreshed and excited to reconnect. This steadiness of independence and togetherness has been important for protecting their relationship sturdy and vibrant, she provides.

If you happen to’re nonetheless hesitant a few solo honeymoon, Anderson suggests attending to the foundation of your fears. For these afraid of protecting the reference to their accomplice alive whereas they’re aside, Anderson recommends “connection rituals” like nightly FaceTime calls or good morning texts. She additionally advocates for utilizing this time to discover private pursuits. “Think about visiting a contemporary artwork museum that your accomplice won’t get pleasure from,” says Anderson. “That is your probability to take pleasure in experiences that really resonate with you.”

What I discovered on my pre-wedding solo honeymoon

A solo honeymoon is a chance to overlook your accomplice, rekindle your sense of self, and return to your relationship with a refreshed perspective. Plus, it supplies the proper alternative to put in writing your vows with out distraction, which I undoubtedly took benefit of.

For me, this solo journey was additionally a symbolic passage, marking the final time I traveled with my maiden identify. It was a closing homage to my roots earlier than embracing the brand new title of “spouse.” Whereas a solo journey could appear indulgent, it’s in the end an funding in your well-being and the well being of your future marriage. “Spending time aside earlier than your marriage permits every particular person to reconnect to themselves and tune into their very own wants,” explains Anderson. “When every particular person deliberately makes time to tune into themselves, it provides the wedding the very best probability at thriving.”

Now that I’m dwelling from my solomoon, I really feel extra prepared than ever for this subsequent chapter of my life, decision-making frenzies and all. My husband and I are jetting off to South Africa for our precise honeymoon—a journey I can’t wait to embark on collectively. Within the meantime, I’m reminding myself that these journeys are about extra than simply journey; they’re about creating recollections, deepening connections, and laying the muse for a lifetime of adventures.